Getting married expands the family for both the bride and the groom. For the bride’s family they gain a son and the groom’s side gains a daughter. This is most often a joyous life changing event for all involved.
But there is also another more unpleasant, but not altogether uncommon occurrence where one (or both sets) of parents may not be happy about your marriage. They may not like your spouse or the idea of international marriage.
How do you handle such negative feelings? First and foremost, it is important to recognize that this problem exists. If it is your parents that are telling you that they do not approve of your intent to enter an international marriage you need to ask them to explain specifically what it is they dislike about it. Listen carefully to their concerns. You obviously love your parents and they love you. There is no need for it to be an intense or hostile discussion. Just find out from them clearly what their concern is about your decision to enter into an international marriage.
One common concern many parents have when they hear that their son is entering into marriage with a woman from another country is that the woman is only getting married to him to gain American citizenship or a green card. The fear is that the foreign fiance is going to take advantage of their son and leave him as soon as she get what she wants.
Another concern parents have is that there cannot be a true relationship between two people from such different backgrounds and customs and cultures. The fear here is that eventually the two of you will not be able to become part of the greater family because your spouse is not going to be comfortable with the rest of your family’s traditions.
The common thread in both of these situations is you and your fiance. The best way to approach these matters is to honestly address them with your family and with your fiance. Have your family meet your fiance and get to know her. Explain to your family that you understand their concerns. Also, explain their concerns to your fiance so that she will understand.Sometimes this may feel hurtful to both of you to face that your family feels this way but the strength of your relationship and your ability to convey to your family that you and her are indeed strong and truly are in love will go a long way to reaching an understanding and overcoming fears.
It would be a very good idea for you to explain your family’s traditions to your spouse so that she will understand how your family interacts and how they may feel about her. In no way should you allow your family to treat your fiance with disrespect. That needs to be made very clear. Politeness and manners should always be maintained on all sides.
In time your fiance and your family may find that their fears have no foundation at all. After they see how you and your fiance are together, and how you care for one another and make each other happy they will come to accept your love for one another. It may take patience and time, but communication is the key to understanding and acceptance.
In the unfortunate event that your family just cannot or will not accept your international marriage you will need to decide if the marriage will survive such a burden. If the two of you feel strong enough that you can maintain your love despite family disapproval than that it is your decision to make. If however, it is going to be too painful for you to continue without your family support you cannot ignore this factor and must choose what is best for you, for her and your family. Don’t be afraid to ask for professional help if needed from a marriage counselor who can perhaps give you both some guidance in making your decision.
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