Opposites attract but common interests can help create lasting love

         

         The saying “opposites attract” is well known and to some extent is often true. However there is a corollary that says similarities in terms of common interests not only attract but can lead to longer lasting and closer bonds in relationships over time.

         In 2016 a study conducted at Wellesley College and the University of Kansas found that couples who had known each other longer were not more similar than newly met pairs who had shared similar interests. The study basically upended the idea that “opposites attract” and instead suggested that we are drawn to people who are like minded. The study concluded that whether or not a relationship develops could depend on the level of similarity the two individuals share from the beginning of their meeting.

         This is important in the context of this blog because there may be many things that the two of you share in common or perhaps there is only one thing that the two of you share a common passion for which draws you together.

         There are many Americans with an interest in Japanese cinema or anime for instance. For some the passion may go as far as attending Comic Con events where Cos Players gather. There are many a couple who have found a deep bond through this common passion. If wearing a costume is not your thing, than there may be any number of interests that the two of you may share.

         When I met my wife we shared a common interest in jazz music. Although we came from very different worlds when it came to our interest in jazz we had a common love and interest in it that lead us to going out to see different artists and also in discussing various music topics.

         That’s not to say that only a common interest can build a lasting relationship. My wife and I are very different in many respects and very similar in others. The fact that there is something we both love to share and enjoy together only made the relationship building process that more enjoyable.

         Is it necessary to have a love for everything that the other person loves Absolutely, not. Differences can also strengthen a relationship because what one partner lacks the other person may bring to the table forming a more powerful team. However, even in the most diverse couples there is usually one thing the couple share a similar interest in together be it ever so small. That one thing, according to the researchers, could be the thing that draws them together to feel close to one another in first place.

         Japan has so many things that Americans find interesting and attractive. Be it food, history, warrior culture, zen traditions, Japanese lifestyle, anime, film, art, technology, cars, fashion--the list goes on and on.

        On the other hand there are many Japanese who have a fascination with Hawaiian culture. In Japan there are many stores and shops with aloha apparel and Hawaiian motifs. There are also many Japanese who seriously study hula and all the traditions that come along with it. There is definitely a passion for Hawaii in Japan.

        Are there interests you have that perhaps you would like to know if your Japanese lady friend may also be interested in? Then let her know what it is that drives you. If she is unfamiliar with it perhaps you will be the person to broaden her horizons and enrich her life in that way. It may also work the other way in that she shows you something she is passionate about that you find delightful. It is also very possible that the two of you may find that you already share a common interest which will draw you together quite easily.

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