Watch any classic 1950s era American television show and you can be certain that at some point you will see the husband come home from work, walk into the house, and shout, “Honey, I’m home!”
In many cultures it is normal for spouses to address each other as Honey, Babe, Baby, Darling or Sweetheart. These affectionate names between couples are common in the United States. They are also not used only by married couples, they are also used between boyfriends and girlfriends as well.
While these endearing names may bring a couple closer together in the west, it is not that simple in Japan when it comes to how spouses address each other. Saying “honey” or “baby” is very rare among Japanese couples, but that is not to say that Japanese couples do not address each other affectionately. Japanese couples have ways to address each other lovingly, but like so many Japanese things-- it is done in a more subtle fashion.
Many Japanese couples simply use each other’s first names with the suffix of “chan” or “kun” to follow the first name. For example, Mariko- chan may be used for a woman or Masato- kun for a man. Traditionally, chan was used to address a young girl, and kun a young boy. However, when used between spouses the effect is one of deep affection for each other as husband and wife. Also, chan can also be used by a wife toward her husband as well as kun.
Some Japanese husbands and wives may address each other as anata which literally translates to “you” but when used between spouses is similar to using “honey” or “sweetheart”. Anata is usually associated with older couples and is seen by many Japanese as an old-fashioned or out of date term and it is not heard very often.
You may be thinking that this is all incredibly confusing. It may seem to you that such a simple thing like how to address your wife should not have so many choices or variables behind it. Well, not to worry.
One of the great things about being in an international marriage is that how you address each other is fully based more on the personal choices the two of you make on what to call each other rather than the social norm of Japanese married couples.
For example, in my own marriage, because I am American it was second nature to me to call my wife “honey” or “babe”. I was not familiar with the Japanese way of addressing spouses. My wife, in turn would address me with my first name followed by chan.
After a time I began using her first name followed by chan when addressing her. Eventually, I began to prefer using chan because it seemed to me that it made our relationship stand out more than the run of the mill “baby” and “honey” couples that seemed to be everywhere. For me, using “chan” now feels as comfortable as using “honey” or “baby”. Plus, I feel even more close to my wife because I feel as if this way of addressing each other is a choice we have made rather than just going along with the trend.
Similarly, my wife also occasionally uses the word “honey” with me from time to time. We regularly interchange between chan and honey quite often without even thinking about it. It is a wonderful benefit of an international marriage to have both cultures to draw from in how you wish to express your love for each other.
Whatever you and your Japanese wife decide to call one another is all up to you and her. Just be sure that whatever you decide to use whether it is chan or baby or something else that it conveys the affection, love and respect that you have for another and you will be more than fine.
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