Religious Differences in Marriage

For persons who are deeply religious it may be difficult to enter an intimate relationship with someone who does not share the same beliefs.  Do you want your wife to practice the same religion as you? Are you open to respecting the beliefs of your wife if they are not the same as your own?  These are important questions to ask of yourself and your prospective bride to be if you want religion to be a central factor in your lives together.

In Japan, the majority of Japanese are Buddhist or Shinto or some combination of the two.  Even those who claim no religion at all are still influenced by Buddhist or Shinto traditions and philosophies to some extent because both of these spiritual traditions had a huge historical role in the development of Japanese culture.  There are Japanese who practice Christianity as well other religions. Japan like the United States is a secular nation and does not mandate one particular religion.

In the United States, the majority of Americans are Christian, however all faiths have existed in the United States since its very beginning as a nation.  As such, interfaith marriage is not uncommon in the United States. I have known many happily married interfaith couples.  A wonderful couple I know often invite me over for Passover seder as well as Christmas dinner. His wife is Christian and he is Jewish.  They both love and respect each other completely for who they are, including the religious beliefs they both brought to the relationship.

However, there are some persons who may want their spouse to follow their same beliefs or they cannot marry.  This view should also be respected if that is what that person wants in marriage. If this is how you feel then you must talk about this with your prospective wife and see if she is willing to accept this condition before getting married.

It is recommended that you discuss this topic early in the dating process if this is something that you expect in your marriage.   It may very well be that the Japanese woman you are interested in may be open to finding out more about your religion. As stated earlier, in Japan the majority of Japanese are raised with Buddhist beliefs and concepts so introducing her to some of your beliefs and perhaps having her attend a church service with you may be something she may want to do together to see if it is something she may be interested in finding out more about.

If she does not want to do this than you should respect her decision, or if she decides she does not want to convert to your religion than you should respect that as well.    Whether this is a complete deal breaker for you is something only you can answer.

In my own marriage I was raised Catholic and my wife was raised Buddhist,  in fact, my mother-in-law’s grandfather was an ordained Buddhist monk. I respect and accept my wife’s traditions and she respects mine.  We observe each ohters traditions and holidays but we still keep our respective religious identities and it works out beautifully. I enjoy Obon and she enjoys Christmas!

International marriage is not for everyone.  But the fact that you are considering an international marriage means that you are interested in learning and being part of a culture that is different than your own.  A big advantage of living in Hawaii, unlike other parts of the United States, is that there are many places to practice Buddhism as well as Christian and other faiths. An international marriage is a beautiful way for each of you to be a part of all aspects of each other’s culture--including one another’s spiritual traditions-- if the two of you choose to do so.   

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