Regional Differences in Japan

To most non-Japanese who live outside of Japan it may come as some surprise that there are different stereotypical personality traits attributed to Japanese from different regions of Japan.

Just like in the United States, Japan has geographic stereotypes.  In the United States the typical east coast New York stereotype is an impatient, rude type-A personality with a “tell it like it is” mentality, and a loud, outspoken style.  The typical west coast Californian stereotype is a laid back casual surfer type “dude” who just wants to chill, go with the flow, and eat organic veggies and grass fed beef.

Are all Americans from New York and California this way?  Absolutely, not. Stereotypes are broad generalizations and cannot be applied to everyone. But there is a bit of truth in every stereotype which enabled the stereotype to exist in the first place.   Are there some people who fit the mold of the stereotype? Absolutely, but not always.

In ancient Japan the original capital city was located in Kyoto in the Kansai region.  It was not until the Edo period that the modern capital was later moved to Tokyo which is in the Kanto region.   These two regions of Japan, Kansai and Kanto, have many cultural differences and rivalries just like the United States has east coast and west coast differences and rivalries. 　New York Yankees or Los Angeles Dodgers?  In Japan, it’s Osaka’s Hanshin Tigers or Tokyo’s Yomiuri Giants!

Both located on the main island of Honshu, the differences between the eastern Kanto region and the western Kansai region are well known in Japan and are frequently referenced in Japanese comedies.   The Kanto region includes Tokyo, Yokohama, Chiba and Saitama. The Kansai region encompasses the historic capital of Kyoto, Osaka, Kobe and Nara.

Many famous comedians in Japan came from the Kansai region.   This is not surprising since the people from Kansai are considered very outgoing, humourous, friendly and funny.  In contrast, people from the Kanto region are often seen as very polite, but overly serious, humorless, introverted and aloof. Whereas someone from the Kansai region may find the humor in every situation, a Kanto person may see the humor in it but will be too polite or reserved to show it.

There are many theories as to why these differences in personality exist from these regions. One theory is that in the Kanto region, particularly Tokyo, most people relocated there because of work.  As a result, rather than having a comfortable feeling of belonging, Tokyo residents are more shy because they are not originally from Tokyo.   The difference in the Kansai region is that most people living there have roots that go back many generations and hence are much more comfortable with one another.

In terms of food, the Kansai region is said to have more subtle tastes in their cuisine while the Kanto region has a more robust, hearty take on the same dishes.  For example, udon in the Kansai region usually has a much lighter flavor and broth based on konbu (dried kelp) broth, while in the Kanto region the broth is fish based (bonito flakes) with a much stronger flavor.

This comparison of bold to subtle also applies to communication styles as well.  While Kanto speech patterns are more delicate and reserved the Kansai people are known to be loud and expressive in their speech.  Japanese people can very easily tell if someone is from Kanto or Kansai based on accent and tone. There are even some words that are different.  For instance, in the Kanto region they say “Honto?” (“Really?) and in the Kansai region they would say “Honma?”

Regional differences are wonderful and provide a rich cultural enrichment to any country.  While in Japan it will be very enjoyable for you to experience all of Japan for yourself in both the Kanto and Kansai regions.   It may be interesting for you to talk about these differences with your Japanese girlfriend and see if she has anything to add to the subject of these regional differences or even some funny stories of her own to tell about these two regions.

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How do Japanese women feel about men who were previously divorced?

There was a time in Japan when a divorce was strongly looked down upon. For a Japanese to have a divorce meant failing at marriage and also was something to be feared because of the perceived bad image that would result from others knowing that the couple was unable to succeed at  marriage.

Japanese traditions treat promises and commitments to accomplish any goal as sacred.  It is no different for a marriage commitment. If a person is unsuccessful at having a successful marriage they were considered a failure at marriage.  Failure in the Japanese culture is often difficult to bear and can cause a loss of face to occur. These views were much more common in the past but are not so widespread in today’s world.

For the majority of Japanese today the reality is that divorce is no longer seen as an unspeakable event, but an acceptable part of modern life.  Divorce rates in Japan are still lower than in the United States, but divorces are more commonplace and accepted in modern Japanese society today than in the past.

So how to Japanese women view a man who has previously been divorced It really depends on that woman’s view of divorce. Does she still adhere to the traditional Japanese conservative view that divorce is unacceptable and that a divorced person is not a good marriage prospect? Or is she more accepting of the modern reality that divorces can and do happen to anyone and that it is better to get a divorce if you are truly incompatible than to stay in a marriage for the rest of your life and be miserable?  More and more Japanese today understand the latter viewpoint.

If a man has been previously divorced some women may suspect that perhaps the man is not marriage material, however for the majority of woman it depends on a number of factors.

For instance, if a man was divorced once it is usually seen by a woman as a first marriage that was for whatever reason a mistake and it was best for it to end and no real harm was done.

  However if a man has been divorced multiple times it may raise a red flag to a potential spouse.   The reason being is that the perception that is given when a man has been divorced multiple times is that the man cannot keep a commitment or has some undesirable personality trait that these prior spouses all could not live with, hence the marriages ended in divorce.  

Is this always an accurate perception? It depends.  If a man falls into this category he should just be honest with himself and with his potential future spouse and explain to her all the factors that lead to the multiple divorces and allow her to decide for herself whether or not this time it will be different with her.  Honesty is the best policy as the old saying goes. If she feels it is not going to work out, then at least you have the satisfaction of knowing you were honest with her.

Is being a divorcee a definite negative to a Japanese woman? No.  Again it depends on the particular woman’s point of view on how she sees divorce and your particular set of circumstances.

For the majority of women, for a man to have been divorced previously is not an automatic deal breaker. If you have been divorced before you should not feel that being divorced in any way disqualifies you from being an eligible marriage partner to a Japanese woman.

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International Marriage in Japan

Despite a slow decline of international marriages in Japan since 2006, the latest demographic studies show that at least 1 in 30 married couples in Japan are in an international marriage.  

There are several theories as to why international marriages have decreased in Japan.  The one cited the most often is that international marriages decreased when Japan changed its immigration laws to crackdown on sham marriages, i.e. marriages that were completed only for the purpose of obtaining a Japanese visa, or vice versa for purposes of financial gain.  

The importance of proving a real and authentic relationship versus a sham relationship became a core focus of Japanese international marriage requirements.    Not to say that there were many sham marriages, because most were authentic. However, the number of sham international marriages have dropped since then and hence the lower numbers in international marriage.

Do the lower numbers mean that Japanese women are looking unfavorably on international marriage? Not at all.  In fact the statistics show that Japanese women choose foreign husbands from many international backgrounds, whereas the majority of Japanese men tend to pick non-Japanese wives from other Asian countries.

What can also be misleading in the decrease of international marriage numbers is the fact that marriage numbers as a whole have decreased in Japan.  The generation of marriage aged Japanese in recent years have not been actively interested in getting married. This has often been attributed to several factors although no single factor alone has been proven to be the main cause :  economics, financial security, lack of social life due to work responsibilities, difficulty meeting partners, and sometimes just a total non-interest in relationships.

This is not to say that Japanese women are no longer interested in getting married.  As a matter of fact there is a wider range of women seeking marriage in Japan now than in the past because Japanese women are now more open to getting married later in life.

In the past, according to tradition, acceptable marriage age was before turning 25.  If you were a single woman at 31-years-old you were considered “last year’s new year’s cake” meaning your ideal marrying age had passed.  

Today’s modern Japanese woman has usually gone through college, has become a professional, and has a successful career.  The 25 years-old or 31 years-old restrictions no longer make any sense.

Many Japanese women are interested in international marriage because foreign men do not grow up with the “new years cake” mentality.  There are still some Japanese men who would not consider a woman past 25 for marriage. In response, many successful, professional women do not find men with these attitudes as desirable husband material either.

International marriages in Japan are actually much more visible than in the past.  There are a large number of non-Japanese workers and residents now living in Japan.  Many Japanese women dream of living abroad and also of finding a husband outside of Japan.   Hawaii is always on the top of the list.

In the final analysis, statistics are merely averaged numbers.  The true test is not the number of international marriages that exist, but whether an international marriage will exist for you!  Will you find the woman who will be the Japanese love of your life? Will you be the American love of her life? That is the one and only true international marriage number that will ever really matter.

Want to marry a Japanese woman?
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3 easy Japanese meals you can cook for your Japanese girlfriend

When most of us think of Japanese cooking the last thing that usually comes to mind is that Japanese cooking is easy. Mostly that is because the Japanese cuisine we Americans are accustomed to is made by skilled chefs at Japanese restaurants.

This blog is not about that. It’s not even about cooking really. What the topic of this blog is really about is cooking an easy Japanese meal for her because it will make her happy and give her a feeling of being back home.

The truth is some men love to cook and some men can’t even make an ice cube. If you are of the latter sort, not to worry. You will find that some of the foods we recommend here are pretty simple. Keep in mind, the purpose of making a meal for her is just a simple show of appreciation and affection. Even if it doesn’t come out perfect, she will definitely appreciate your efforts.

One added advantage you will have is many of the ingredients for these recipes are readily available in Hawaii, and some key ingredients are already available premade (for example, dipping sauce for soba noodles).

Soba noodles

Soba noodles are made from buckwheat and are served cold. During hot weather soba noodles are perfect for cooling down. Relatively bland tasting by themselves, but when dipped into the cool dipping sauce the flavors come alive. Wasabi, shredded daikon, ginger and green onions are common garnishes added to the dipping sauce for an extra kick of flavor. Soba noodles are also very good for your health. They are high in protein, contain fiber and have a low fat content. Also if you are compatible with those on a gluten free diet because they are made from buckwheat.

Grilled Saba (mackerel)

Mackerel (“saba” in Japanese) is often an overlooked fish in western diets. It is very delicious when grilled. This fish is packed with fish oils and protein so it is an excellent addition to a healthy diet.

Onigiri

Onigiri or “rice balls” are common snacks in Japan. The perfect food for an on the go lifestyle when you want to grab a quick bite. In fact, onigiri is commonly found in Japanese convenience food stores for people with busy lifestyles to pick up quickly and either pack away for later or to quickly eat on the way to work. Very simple ingredients such as seaweed (nori) and rice are easily available in Hawaii.

These are just a few simple suggestions of easy recipes that will bring a smile to her face. Again, it is the gesture that is important and will mean a lot to her and make her happy. Also, it will be a fun experience for you to try your hand at making some of these recipes.

Bon appetit!

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Do you want to have a bachelor party?

The tradition of the groom having a bachelor party prior to marriage has a long history in western culture. The first historical reference to bachelor parties is believed to be from the 5th century by the ancient Spartans who would celebrate a groom’s last night as a single man.

From then till now, celebrating a groom’s change in status from bachelor to husband is a common rite of passage for most American men. However, in Japan the tradition of a groom having a bachelor party is not common. You may need to explain what it is to your bride.

Not to worry though. Even if the tradition of a bachelor party is not common in Japan most japanese women will be aware of what a bachelor party is. With the international success of movies like “The Hangover”, there’s a good chance your bride will have some idea about what a bachelor party is all about.

Fortunately, our Japanese bride will most likely be very supportive of the idea of your having a bachelor party. In Japan, although the bachelor party tradition is uncommon, the view of male bonding over male activities and an attractive woman being present is very familiar in Japanese culture. It goes as far back to the Edo period with geisha culture, and to modern day hostess bars where “salary men” commonly unwind after a long day with their male co-workers before going home.

The best man is traditionally tasked with planning and organizing the bachelor party. Perhaps it will be him and you that will need to explain the tradition to your bride to be. What type of bachelor party will you be having? Today’s bachelor parties are far beyond the 1950s standard of some stag films, beers and a woman in a bikini jumping out of a cake.

The bachelor party usually includes your closest male friends and male relatives (bride’s male relatives included!). The standard bachelor party usually involves drinking, some gambling, cigar smoking, and a stripper. However, many bachelor parties have evolved to destination weekends that involve an activity like fishing, camping, hiking or a golf resort or casino weekend...you get the idea, basically, “guy stuff”. Just make sure it is guy stuff that you and your closest friends enjoy.

As mentioned earlier, your best man has the obligation to plan the bachelor party. Your best man also has the responsibility that the party doesn’t get too crazy and to look out for the groom. Your bride may be reassured to know this from your best man.

It should also be mentioned that your bride may want to have a “bachelorette party” as this is also becoming very common in the west. This tradition is not something done in Japan either, however her maid of honor, friends or perhaps one of your female relatives may want to give her one. Your bride may have no experience with this either so if this comes up it should be explained to her what a bachelorette party is all about too. If she decides to celebrate with her “girls” by all means let her have fun too.

The great thing about a bachelor party is it is an opportunity for you and your best male buddies to bond one last time before you tie the knot. Although the ancient Spartans may have celebrated the night before the wedding it’s probably advisable that you have the bachelor party a few days or a week before the actual wedding day. This way you will have time to recover from the celebration!

Bachelor parties are a time to celebrate you finding the love of your life, and for your “boys” to celebrate their friendship with you before you become a married man. Enjoy, have fun, and your bachelor party will be part of your fondest memories for years to come.

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Celebrating Tanabata - Star Festival

Tanabata is celebrated in Japan on July 7. Tanabata literally translates to evening of the seventh” and is a traditional festival celebration that was brought to Japan by Empress Koken in 755. The festival originated in China and was adopted by the Kyoto Imperial Palace during the Heian period.
The story behind Tanabata is one of the most romantic myths in Japanese folklore. The story centers around two lovers, one a cow herder and the other a weaver girl. These two celestial lovers are represented in the heavens as the stars Vega and Altair.
The weaver girl, Princess Orihime , was the daughter of Tentei the “Sky King” or “the universe itself”. Princess Orihime was a highly skilled weaver and enjoyed weaving the most beautiful cloth. Princess Orihime dutifully weaved many beautiful clothes for her father by the bank of the Amanogawa river (the Milky Way) but soon became sad because she felt she would never meet anyone and fall in love.
Her father Tentei became concerned for his daughter and arranged a meeting with a cow herder named Hikoboshi who lived and worked on the other side of the Amanogawa river (the Milky Way). When the two met they instantly fell in love with one another and soon married.
After Orihime and Hikoboshi married they were so happy and in love that Orihime stopped weaving clothes for her father and Hikoboshi neglected his cows and they soon wandered all over Heaven. Orihime’s father Tentei the Sky King became angry about this and separated the two lovers on opposite sides of the Amanogawa river (the Milky Way) and forbid them to meet one another ever again.
Orihime was heartbroken at being separated from her husband Hikoboshi and would not stop crying. Her father could not help but be moved by the nonstop tears of his daughter. Because he loved her and felt badly for her, Tentei relented and promised Orihime that he would allow her and Hikoboshi to meet once a year on the 7th day of the 7th month--only if she finished her weaving.
Orihime worked hard to finish her weaving so she could meet her beloved husband Hikoboshi on the 7th day of the 7th month! She was so filled with joy and anticipation of that day that she weaved nonstop.
When the 7th day of the 7th month finally arrived the two lovers eagerly arrived at opposite banks of the Amanogawa river. Staring across at each other they realized they could not cross and were separated by the river because there was no bridge.
Heartbroken, Princess Orihime began to cry so much that a flock of magpies noticed her anguish. The magpies felt so sorry for her that they came to her aid and formed a bridge with their wings so that she could cross the river to the reach her husband Hikoboshi on the other side. The legend says that if it rains on Tanabata, the magpies cannot come to the aid of the two lovers and they will have to wait another year to meet.
Today in Japan these two lovers, represented in the heavens by the stars and separated by Milky Way are celebrated because it is on this day that they are closest together.
In Japan there are colorful festivals on this day, with food, decorations and music, to commemorate their reunion. The celebration includes people writing wishes on wishing paper and tying them to bamboo trees. The trees are later either burned or floated down river to release the wishes to the heavens.
We all wish for the 7th day of the 7th month to be free from rain so that Princess Orihime and cowherder Hikoboshi will not have to wait another entire year to cross the Milky Way and be together.

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