Marriage is one of the most important adult decisions we make in our lives. It is a decision with an immediate life altering impact. We change our status from “single” to “married”, and where there was only “one” there is now “two”. For some, this is a frightening concept, but for many, to be husband and wife, sharing and building a lifetime of memories together is a priceless gift of true aloha.
That’s not to say marriage is wine and roses everyday. Even the happiest of marriages occasionally may encounter issues with communication, trust and dealing with each other’s differences.
But an international couple has an advantage that many same culture couples don’t have when facing these same issues: they expect them, and because of the nature of an international relationship have already had some experience with these issues before they said, “I do.”
Surprisingly, there are married couples from the same background and who speak the same language, who cannot communicate effectively with each other because of a lack of empathy and conscious listening. One advantage international couples have is that conscious communication efforts are made from the very beginning with awareness of communication obstacles. Having empathy for each other is also common in international couples because what is lacking in verbal communication is understood by understanding each others feelings. The relationship deepens from this conscious form of communication. That two people from two different countries may have communication difficulties isn’t unusual. But the fact that each of you found each other and fell in love is proof that the communication barrier can be overcome.
Trust in a relationship is required. The process of an international marriage builds trust early on. First of all, the immigration process takes time. There will be periods of time where you will be apart from one another. Trust in one another begins there, and love grows as well during the absence of the other.
The foreign fiance visa process requires things other couples would never need to do, such as having to prove an authentic relationship based on love rather than some other motive to the immigration officials. In my own experience, the process of gathering the information needed to prove our relationship made me reflect on the things my fiance and I had already experienced together and the trust we had developed. It takes a lot of trust to decide to marry someone from another country and come live with them in that country. Vice-versa for the person welcoming the person into their life in their home country. Trust is developed very early in an international marriage and makes that bond so much stronger during the marriage.
In an international marriage the differences between the cultures when shared with each other can be rich and exciting experiences. I love trying my wife’s cooking and learning about Japanese culture and traditions. There is always something to talk about and never a dull moment. Conversely, she enjoys my jazz music collection, craft burgers, Dodgers baseball, Thanksgiving turkey and Christmas (while I enjoy the addition of KFC to our traditional Christmas dinner!).
Respecting each other’s cultural differences is a wonderful opportunity for each of you to enrich your lives and appreciate how you each view the world. It takes compromise and understanding in any marriage when dealing with differences, whether international or otherwise, but the result is well worth it. The bond that is built together is unique to the two of you based on your sharing of each other’s cultures and appreciating and loving the other because of it.
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